Beyond Physical Attraction: Preparing Yourself to Build a Great and Meaningful Relationship

Author: Terry Malatji

The first mistake many people make is believing that physical attraction is a confirmation that the parties should build a relationship that will become healthy and meaningful, or that they should start a relationship in the first place.

The foundation of many relationships is built on bricks of physical attraction, and by the time individuals discover the true nature of their partners beyond the physical, they often find themselves entangled in a dysfunctional marriage or partnership.

Unfortunately by then, they have already made promises, covenants and created bonds that are too strong and painful to break. While physical attraction can contribute towards building  a healthy relationship, if relied upon without deeper compatibility, it can create a bond that may ultimately have negative mental and spiritual effects

If Physical Attraction Is Not a Confirmation to Start a Relationship, Why Does It Exist?

1. The process of procreation

Physical attraction is a universal language used by creators in the universe to initiate the process of procreation. Every living being carries an inherent desire to create and increase through reproduction. This is true for humans, animals, birds, and fish alike. However, while in humans, attraction is often mistaken for more than just a biological impulse.  In other species, it serves one primary purpose: reproduction.

Ideally, we should aim to build meaningful relationships based on multiple levels of attraction – physical, mental, emotional, intellectual and spiritual.

2. Manifestation of Your Desires

Those who have a clear vision of the kind of partner they desire usually have a list of physical  attributes they seek. These desires become embedded in their thoughts, forming seeds of attraction that guide their interactions.

3. The Trigger of Past Memories

Attraction can also stem from internal memories embedded in our spiritual and physical DNA. Each of us carries both physical and spiritual DNA inherited from our parents, ancestors and past experiences. These memories influence our attractions, sometimes drawing us to people who remind us of past relationships, whether personal or ancestral.

Being drawn to someone is, therefore, not always a sign to start a relationship. Sometimes, we are drawn to individuals who carry familiar attributes that have been present in our family lineage or past experiences.

Internal memories can be made up of unhealed trauma, whether personal or ancestral, that needs resolution. Every generation has the potential to bring healing to its bloodline. Seeking wisdom, knowledge and understanding can help one discern the true reason behind an attraction. Some attractions are not meant to be pursued at all.

Trauma-Based Relationships: The Unseen Danger

Due to a lack of knowledge and spiritual awareness, many relationships are unconsciously built on trauma. Consequently these kind of relationships  create cycles of dysfunction. When two individuals enter a relationship carrying unresolved trauma, they unknowingly create an emotionally unstable environment, akin to a psychiatric hospital without therapists. Such relationships become fertile ground for further pain and suffering.

Embarking on a self-healing journey is the best form of pre-counseling for any romantic relationship. Healing allows individuals to break free from unconscious patterns and create relationships based on genuine compatibility rather than unresolved wounds.

How to Navigate Physical Attraction With Awareness

The best way to avoid misinterpreting physical attraction is to pause and reflect. Attraction can have various meanings, and while we may not always understand them all, we can rule out the assumption that every attraction must lead to a relationship.

Here are some of the steps to approach physical attraction wisely:

1. Define a Healthy & Lasting Relationship
   Understand what truly makes a relationship fulfilling and use this as a guide to evaluate whether someone you are attracted to aligns with those principles. Consult with those have walked this journey and are able to offer different perspectives.
2. Know Who You Are
   There are many things that are amazing in life and knowing yourself is one of them. The best investment you can make is in self-discovery. To name a few- understand your best and worst attributes, your talents, skills, life purpose and calling. Know your values and principles. Be fully aware of the things you like and dislike and so forth. When you know yourself, you will naturally recognize the kind of partner who aligns with your life journey. If you seek self-discovery but don’t know where to start, we offer one-on-one life coaching to guide you.
3. Clarify Your Short & Long-Term Goals
   Identify your personal, social, professional and spiritual goals. Define your vision. Physical attraction does not always mean you are ready for a deep emotional, mental or spiritual connection. Do not wait until you’re in a relationship to define your goals. Knowing your goals in advance will help you align with the right partner.
4. List Your Requirements in a Partner
   Understanding who you are and your goals will help you define the qualities you seek in a partner. This list becomes your daily affirmation, keeping you focused on what truly matters rather than getting swept away by fleeting attraction.
5. Understand the Difference Between a Relationship & a Partnership
   Knowing the distinction between a relationship and a partnership will prepare you to enter relationships that embrace mutual growth and shared purpose. A strong partnership sustains a relationship beyond the initial spark of attraction.
6. Assess Emotional & Spiritual Readiness
   Before entering a relationship, take time to evaluate your emotional and spiritual state. Are you seeking a partner to fill a void or to truly build a meaningful connection? Healing unresolved wounds and understanding your emotional triggers will help prevent unhealthy attachment patterns.

Final Thoughts

Recognizing that physical attraction can have multiple meanings allows you to approach relationships with wisdom and discernment. When you are not yet ready to connect mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, physical attraction alone is not enough to sustain a meaningful relationship. The key is to pause, reflect, and align your relationships with your highest self.

Before jumping into a relationship based on attraction, ask yourself: Is this connection truly aligned with my purpose and wellbeing? When we make conscious choices in love, we create relationships that are not just exciting, but deeply fulfilling and enduring.

For those who are already in committed relationships, the journey of self-discovery and self-healing can still be undertaken, either individually or together with a partner. It is a process that can strengthen a relationship, bringing clarity and deeper connection.

However, it is also possible that the outcome of self-discovery and self-healing reveals a misalignment, indicating that continuing the relationship may not be sustainable in the long run. Whatever the result, self-awareness and healing pave the way for healthier, more fulfilling connections.

It is very important to make you aware that human beings evolve, grow and develop. We are not static. This is what creation is about.  Some of us evolve more than others. When this happens there will be misalignment. Being aware of this will come in handy in how you handle the changes in your relationship.

Are you ready to embark on your journey of self-discovery and healing?

Understanding yourself is the foundation of building meaningful and fulfilling relationships. Whether you are single or in a committed relationship, self-awareness and healing can help you align with your true path.

If you’re unsure where to begin, I offer one-on-one life coaching and self-healing sessions to guide you through this transformative journey.

📩 Book a session today and take the first step toward clarity, emotional freedom, and meaningful connections! Send an email to bookings@lifewithterry.com, for rates, availability, initial assessment and  duration of further  sessions.